8 Cow Woman

Thanks to Marissa, for passing me this torch (ish). Reasons why I am SO an 8 cow woman (cf. Johnny Lingo; if you haven't seen it, do). This will be so great, as right now, love SUCKS and I could definitely use some self-affirmation. So,

COW 1: I am hot. Not that this is the number one reason. It's just that when one is as good-looking as I am, it's hard to forget it. Plus, I have an appointment with the eye-doctor in a few weeks. My hotness will be magnified with some rockin new frames.
COW 2: I am reasonably intelligent. This will be good for the kiddies. Guys worth their salt find this attractive. At least, that's what one told me an hour ago. The LAME-O.
COW 3: I am not easily annoyed. This means that, while I can be a doormat, I am a doormat that is a doormat out of choice and not insecurity. Honestly, I could care less whether or not you wear my clothes or eat my food. Now, if you insist on watching Yanni, I might have problems. In which case I will inform you of them. Basically: I have a high tolerance for typically annoying behavior. But if you really are annoying me or bothering me, I will let you know.
COW 4: I love to learn. I love new cultures. I love languages. An adventurous, foreign man should appreciate this, right??? YES.
COW 5: I love to cook, and I am fairly good. This is what people tell me. The way to a man's heart is his stomach. Need I say more?
COW 6: I am nice. My mom even told me that I am like a puppy. I took this as a compliment (another plus--not easily offended!)--I am cute and friendly and love people. I am beyond nice--I am just a tub o love waiting for the LAME-O to realize this.
COW 7: I like to earn (spend) money. This is a good thing. Yes?
COW 8: Last of all, I descend from the best people on earth. Let's be naturally selective here. Let's perpetuate the good genes.

8 fine reasons why lame-os should LOVE me. So, I'll be waiting when they come to their senses and realize that I am for them, thereby transforming their lame-o status into the raaaaddest guy ever status. Do it.

Disclaimer: I am a little bitter right now. While I do admit that I, ABC, have indeed written this, I acknowledge that it was under the influence of extreme-ish emotion and regret and envy and disappointment. I'll be better tomorrow, but unable to reclaim this post. Once posted, forever posted baby. So, sorry for that.