Mornin' Rev'rend!

She raised her hand, a sort of guilty apprehension dripped into my stomach. She was called on, she spoke. I have a problem. Pause. I braced myself. But her explanation was tardy--her sentence dangled there, in between my ears, a subconscious remembering and repeating of her voice in my head--I have a problem. This thought dueled with the silence. (silence.) Finally, her real voice again entered my ears, allowing the memory of it to leave be. I listen to all of you, and
and, I don't want to give you a list of
a list of all the things I am going through right now I know no one wants to hear it.
But I listen to all of you
and I am kind of disturbed, I mean I am just having trouble understanding why
hmm why you say joy is
well, why I feel like I am doing all of these things
but
I can't be happy.

I was wondering if you could help me with that.

She stopped speaking, but not from abashment. She simply looked at all of us, expectant, almost serene. Hands raised. People spoke.
The Atonement is central. Jesus loves you. This can give you a peace no matter what sorts of trials you may be enduring.
We've all made baptismal covenants to mourn with those that mourn and to comfort those that stand in need of comfort. But this hesitation that we have--in sharing our feelings with others, in revealing our emotions--is that not just a testament to how inadequately we are keeping these covenants? Let's lift up one another and realize that we have covenanted to bear one another's burdens.
Remembering that God loves me--saying "Heavenly Father loves me" outloud to myself, this gives me a quiet joy, power, and energy. It's truth. And Satan cannot compete with that.
When Mary and Martha approached the Savior when he came to the tomb of Lazarus, he knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead. But when they wept, did he assure them that this would be the case--that everything was going to be fine? No, he simply wept with them. Sometimes, you just need to weep.

And I don't know what she is feeling now. But I know I am grateful that she asked the question--admitted that her life wasn't perfect. My anticipation of some blunderous comment, of something I would shake my head at in displaced embarassment, that was a bit disappointing. Her approach was really beautiful--she had cause for recourse and actually did seek it. She turned to us. And we answered. I think that is what Relief Society is all about.

I never thought I would see the day! When I thoroughly enjoyed (though I recognize that spiritual matters are not about entertainment as such--I mean enjoy in another sense) a Relief Society meeting and lingered a half hour after with no resentment at all. I didn't want to leave. It was pretty awesome.

And though this feels totally preachy, I am going to post it anyway.