What's with Narcissistic Me?

Today in my final class period, Orchestra, we celebrated our collective expertise in the Circle of Fifths (all major scales) with a pizza party. After the rejuvenating effects of the first few slices had worn off, I was afflicted with a bout of intense boredom. I was on "the planes of ennui," you could say, vacant - yet not profound. I was itching to leave the room. Soda cans soon turned into flying projectiles, pizza boxes were being tranformed into sleds, and I couldn't wait to leave a roomful of freshman girls and their guerilla tactics. (I normally love all of my classmates - especially freshmans - I was just impatiently looking forward to finishing a research paper or two, calc homework, and some speech and debate cases. I was also fearing for the mortality of every orchestra member and didn't want to see one of our second violin players snuff it.) I tried staring at the clock, but alas, my ESP failed to merit any noticable increase in time passage. Finally, after twenty or so heartwrenching minutes, the first bell rang. I quickly made for the door, endeavoring to slip out unnoticed. Too Late! A ninth grader was already standing there. I didn't meet her eyes and simply charged through the double doors. "Wait!" she called, "That was only the first bell!" I muttered "I know. I don'care." hostilely through gritted teeth and continued down the hallway to my locker. When I had finished my end-of-day locker ritual, I was forced to walk down the hallway of the orchestra room once again. I cautiously proceeded, hoping to slink by unobserved. Blast! The ninth grader was still standing there. A sigh of exasperation escaped my lips. I pretended not to see her and resumed my march to the parking lot. When I had passed her, relieved at having successfully evaded any more prompting and prying, I glanced behind my shoulder. I met an unforgettable, truly haunting look. The ninth grader, who perhaps had previously looked up to me (as a worldly-wise eleventh grader), fixed me with a look of (the three dis's!) disbelief, disgust, and above all: disappointment. I felt utterly ashamed; nauseated with myself and my selfish concern for grades, homework, time, personal comfort, etc, over the feelings of another human being. I had shattered her belief in goodness - in humanity! - for who can say how long? It could last a nanosecond or extend through decades. I don't believe I will soon forget that simple action and devastating look, yet I hope she soon does. I've realized, once again, that we as individuals have a tremendous influence on one another. Why do I abuse that influence? I could be building others up, befriending, building confidence. Why do I put my trivial concerns above the actual lives of those around me? I will have to do some soul-searching.