Plane Ride
Sweaters: the bane of mains affamées.
Too much turbulence led to the synchronized movement of every single head on the plane. Diverse colors hairs hometowns destinations all moved left and right together.
If you happen to sit next to a recovering practicer of polygomy, be kind. When they ask you if you have a husband or a boyfriend, smile and say in sweet tones: yes. one.
Then when (and if) you instigate a new topic in movies, take into consideration the fact that most FLDS members have only seen 2 movies in their life: Man From Snowy River and Return From Snowy River.
Even if they are rather attractive, and ask you to take them to a movie sometime, decline. Tell them that THEY need to go to a movie sometime, not WE.
Don't mention Warren Jeffs, whatever you do. Their eyes almost foam.
When they tell you that your conversation is "fun," say thank you, and leave it at that.
When they continue to finger your seat and then rub up against your arm on the armrest you're sharing, move as far away as your cushion-turnable-to-flotation-device will allow.
Bring up the family - that keeps them talking for hours. Just to get through every sibling I mean. Or wife.
If they tell you that you are so so nice, smile, turn the head, and try not to appear too flighty. I mean, more than being on a flight necessitates.
So, if you follow those guidelines, and then pretend to sleep for the remainder of the flight, you'll be safe from men seeking to add women to the religiously crazed harems of Colorado City.
My single Farcical New Year's Resolution: stop saying "ummmm..."
5 comments:
This didn't really happen, did it? There was an Elder on my mission who joined the Church from a mormon fundamentalist group. He only had one mom but something like five or six grandmothers. He didn't know how many great-grandmothers. He had to have an interview with an apostle (Elder Wirthlin) before he could join the Church. He was kind of a weird kid...
Every situation I mentioned happened, and more, on my plane from Minneapolis to Salt Lake.
Are you kidding me?!!!! I had NO IDEA! Angie! Details girl, details! I want to hear every last one! Please excuse me as I express myself in trite phrases and explicatives; I'm currently feeling too lazy to do otherwise, but I think you get my point. I want to hear about this crazy experience! Sproateus...how can a person have five or six grandmothers? I thought it was only possible to have two....
I agree with brittany - details!
And about the quintet or sextet of grandmothers: the way this kid explained family life was that the plural sister wives would take turns caring for all the kids (or different kids at different times), so he would call each of his grandfather's wives "grandmother" whether he descended literally from her or not. His cousins (who did have multiple moms in the home) would call all of their father's wives "mom"
Again, details, Angela!
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