tulips are my Favorite flower, but it might be a Destructive love

When tripping along tulipped feilds cliche in their springtime beauty - then I am timidated. Intimid by the flowers blossoming goodness and grace and natural uninhibition that I envy so, very, too much. But I think about them and I think about me and I think and I curl up. I furl against their blossoming, buttoning when they unfurl. That's not the way it is supposed to be - by them sharing their light, they should unconsciously allowing me to do so. But I won't let them, somehow. I cannot do anything but --

But should I not realize that if they are all fresh and spectacular and I am not then that makes me somehow special? You've been too timid, Angela.